My year in the making…

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When I plan my goals for 2010, I can’t help but think about 2009.  It was my 1st full year without a job.  Well, without that paying job.  A career.  A career that defined me, defined my “success” and showered me with an awesome income. A career where I dressed up and drank my triple shot, nonfat almond lattes until my eyes started to twitch… while I pounded away at my computer or chanted corporate talk at crowds of people who “don’t like change.”  A career where my calendar bled with meeting requests…where I found myself triple-booked and starved (more lattes please) while I ran (yes, RAN) to my next challenge and hopefully a leftover buffet from previous meetings.  Success.  Money.  Accomplishment.  Weight Control.  The Definition of Me.

Somewhere in the mess, I lost myself.  I quit.  Yup, I was a quitter.  My drained, uninspired shell of a self walked away.  “What a waste….” ate at me – words murmured by my boss when I announced my desire to be a stay-at-home mom. 

Instead, 2009 was a fantastic soul-feeding journey.  First, I’ve bonded with my children.  Need I say how rewarding that is?  I made homemade bread, gardened, volunteered and took the occassional nap in the sun on my couch.  I found a new passion – knitting – and I discovered a mental clarity that had long left me years prior.  I reached out to other moms – something I never had the time for.  I discovered a sense of community in our little part of the world.  I started eating again – fresh tomatoes by the handful straight from the garden out back.   I fed my soul.  It was the best decision I ever made.  Best of all, I had a husband who supported my decision (he probably enjoyed the difference!). 

Don’t get me wrong.  It took a year of planning a new budget and working up the guts to do it.  After all, the economy was tanking.  My plan did seem awfully irresponsible.  But things work out.  They always do.   Jumping into the unknown opened up new possibilities.  Scary new possibilities.  CHANGE.

So 2010 is here and I think I’ll continue to soak up the unknown.  I’m going to try something new.  Maybe run a 10K.  Work with clay.  Expand my garden.  Embrace new possibilities.  I’m going to take all of that energy and put it right back into my home and family.  At MY pace…. not one where I’m concerned whether the US can compete in a global market.  At MY pace, where I can’t alway remember what day of the week it is.  It’s true – a happy mom is a happy home.

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